I just had a very interesting experience looking for a suitable image to illustrate the Pascal quote above. Most of the images of people in rooms on their own that I found, were images portraying sadness, loneliness or some kind of distress, kinda proving his point!

When I Googled "happy" sitting alone images, most of the photos were of people, indeed, sitting alone, but usually with a smart-looking piece of technology and a smile upon their face.

(I'm not quite sure how plastic dinosaurs on a bean bag get included in that search, but multiple are the mysteries of life...)

But an important note on sitting comfortably - ideally, if you are able to, sit with a straight spine (not leaning back against a chair). The energy flows up your spine better and practicing good posture is wonderful for the whole of your wellbeing. The most helpful instruction I read recently about this was to sit "with dignity". 

The man in the picture will have a curved spine because his knees are higher than his hips. If he sat on a couple of pillows (maybe even one folded over) so his knees naturally came to rest on the bed, he'd probably have a much more comfortable meditation...  

If you sit cross legged, lotus position is great if you're bendy enough, but kneeling, bent legs either side of several cushions or a beanbag is another alternative. You can sit on the edge of a chair, with a cushion tilting your hips downward, so they're higher than your knees, will help you keep an upright spine. Otherwise, if you have any physical limitations, choose the most comfortable sitting position, with dignity... 

Lying down is just asking for trouble (well, sleep) unless you are like Ken Wilber and can stay awake and meditate even lying down. Most people tend to drift off to sleep.

There's so much scientific evidence about the numerous physiological, emotional and even financial (!) benefits of meditating, should you still need any convincing, but I think there's something more profound than the obvious; which is about why it's so important to develop the ability to sit quietly in a room alone.

I love that there are apparently countless benefits on every level coming from doing (or hardly doing) something so utterly simple, "easy" (be still, put your attention on awareness itself and let everything else pass by), and requiring no equipment. Of course cushions can be useful to help keep your spine straight (please see above), but, like so many other of the "simple things" in life like singing, dancing, making love, you only really need your body (and maybe someone else's too - but more on co-meditation in another blog!!)

Yet, given it's simplicity, excellent value-for-money and the minimal "effort" required, why is it that we resist practicing meditation on a daily basis? (And I include myself here. It has taken me a long time to get to the point where now I genuinely WANT to, and even look forward to!)

So why do we have so much resistance to being alone with ourselves that we seem to crave some kind of distraction or busyness? What is it that we feel so discomfited about facing? Is it the egoic self and all the contracted, uncomfortable, unwelcome feelings that we normally try to manage or just ignore or stuff down with food, a "good" (or not so good) book, frantic activity on social media or other tactics?

Or is Marianne Williamson correct when she suggests; "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light and not our darkness that most frightens us..."

Are we more daunted at the idea of sitting with the deeper/higher/greater "evolutionary" Self and beginning to realize it's limitless potential, and feel the power of our longing to respond?

I think it's a combination of these things. No wonder we prefer to keep busy.

It's the "voices" and the accompanying feelings that we are trying to avoid; both the berating, belittling, critical whine and destructiveness of the egoic voice, but also the whispered encouragement to reach beyond our "edge", to realize our potential, the mighty vision, the powerful truth of the authentic evolutionary higher/deeper Self that calls us to take bold steps, and to act outside of our comfort zones.

But imagine if we could come to a place of peace with the past and regard our egoic selves as just patterns or veils within, just personal and cultural conditioning that we can now SEE and then we could start to connect with and live out of our alignment with that limitless potential as the evolutionary Self...  What might we then want to co-create in the world?

I have an audacious vision which is that we could, if we chose, co-create "Heaven on Earth". I'm not suggesting I know what it would "look like" and funnily enough, when you search for images of "heaven on earth", you mainly just get gorgeous images of the paradise we're already living in...!

But I am inclined to believe that what would get us on the path to co-creating Heaven on Earth would be if we were able to consistently align with the deepest, most noble part of ourselves (which in my current experience and at the core of every mystic tradition, appears to be the same Self at the deepest interior of everyone I meet there).

If we could live from here, make our choices aligned with this part of the Self, rather than the egoic, contracted version, then we could transform our experience of life, not just for ourselves but for everyone on the planet.

And one way to begin is to be willing to sit with an open mind in that interior space and discover it to be equally (if not more) miraculous than the manifest world. This is the beginning of how the kosmos turns itself inside out and recognizes that if all minds are One mind and if all hearts are joined, then the big bang was not an "explosion" at all, but an implosion that just seems to have been projected outward so we can fool around in it....!

Wishing you the many joys and benefits of meditation..

With love

Although the techniques and processes that I use can be incredibly helpful in every area of life, I do not think of myself as qualified to support recovery from a serious physical/chemical addiction.

This is one of the healthiest practices you can ever do, for your whole being - for your physical body as much as your emotional and spiritual well-being. It can be a difficult concept to understand, and there is often resistance to the idea of it because it seems as if we are "letting someone off the hook" or condoning something someone else has done that may have caused harm.

My favourite definition of forgiveness is by K Bradford Brown, creator of the More to Life programme (highly recommended);

 "The absolute refusal to hold ill will against someone for something they did or didn't do."

The foundation of forgiveness is the ability to see the meanings you have made about the circumstances and then to identify what holding onto the resentment is "costing" you. There are often "good reasons" for wanting to hold onto the resentment which many people don't recognize in themselves. One common reason is sometimes it seems easier to hold onto the resentment than to experience the pain of the loss, betrayal or difficult circumstances.

When I work with my clients on letting go of resentment and hatred, I use a blend of several processes I've learned during the past 25 years, and have supported the release of my clients from the burden of carrying the unresolved trauma buried beneath this.

Forgiveness IS a choice. This doesn't necessarily mean that it is easy and supporting others through to complete forgiveness is a particular passion of mine. I have helped many people come to a place of peace with their past (sometimes from very traumatic and difficult experiences). 

When you truly resolve your past (rather than try to ignore it or gloss over it), you become free in the moment, fully available to what is present in your life. When you are fully present, your experience is naturally richer and more vibrant, and you can begin to sense the infinite possibilities life is inviting you to enjoy...

I also have a theory (unproven as yet) that the less "drag" there is from the past, the healthier our cellular vitality is... So if vanity is in any way a motivational tool for you - having less resentment could make you look more beautiful as well as feeling it!

See also my blog on Best Practices: Release The Past

Is it possible to resolve the past?

Yes.

Why is it beneficial?

Science is now proving the "health" benefits of forgiveness as this article explores.  The most recent research is showing the physiological damage as well as the emotional effects that long-term resentment and grudge-bearing causes to the whole body, and shows the multiple benefits of forgiveness.  Click on the picture on the left/above to go to the article.

Doesn't it take years of therapy?

Not necessarily.  Some people have had traumatic experiences and may prefer to work through and resolve these in a long-term relationship with a particular kind of psychotherapist.  Other people find that the "process" work we do together can be as effective as "years" of therapy, sometimes even more cathartic and healing and long-standing resentment and even hatred can be cleared and resolved in just one session.

Can't I just forget about my past instead?

Possibly, but the likelihood is (unless your middle name is Buddha)  that the unconscious patterns of behaviour that you adopted to deal with the difficulties in your early life will still be operating in you as an adult unless you have re-examined them and re-chosen new, healthier, more evolved versions. 

I didn't have a particularly difficult childhood, so I don't need to do anything to resolve my past.

In some ways, because of the way we interpret certain events, "little things" can affect the way we are "programmed" just as much as "big trauma".  In my experience, everyone has had challenges to deal with in their childhood, from "not feeling loved enough" (however loving your parents may or may not have actually been), to being the "middle child", "eldest child", "youngest child", "only child", having been bullied at school, having had less than ideal early sexual experiences (this is so heartbreakingly common), and sometimes having suffered verbal or physical abuse, neglect or accident.

It's also possible that a difficult event at any time, even in one's more recent past, can be resolved and integrated.

I already have a spiritual practice - I meditate on a regular basis - isn't this enough?

I totally recommend meditation as a profound spiritual practice and powerful transformational process, however it is a different practice altogether from "emotional process" and shadow evolution and integration work.  (If you are looking for excellent teaching on meditation, check out Meditation for Evolutionaries with Craig Hamilton.)

What does it really mean to resolve the past?

What I mean by "resolve the past" is to come to a place of absolute acceptance of everything that has ever happened to you, so that your current behaviour is not unconsciously influenced by your past.

It means being able to see your past with clarity, free of any "extraneous" meanings attached - you know the truth of the circumstances, you have completely forgiven everyone from your past (including yourself) and you are truly "free" to be fully present in each moment because nothing from your past is bothering you any more.  Then you can make powerful, conscious pro-active choices about your current and future circumstances.

It means, having taken into account all useful learning and insights, you can be in a place of profound, deep appreciation of everything that ever happened to you - even the most challenging circumstances.  The reason for finding a way of saying "yes" to everything that happened is because it's already past and therefore cannot be "changed" other than by your different perception.

Of course, this is not necessarily easy to do, especially if there was serious violation or trauma, nevertheless, it is possible, and many people have come to a place of peace even though they many have been through the most excruciating experiences.

What if I don't want to let it go or I'm afraid what might happen if I do?

Only you can decide when you're ready to resolve your past.  There is never any demand to do this, but often there is an "inner" prompt that never really goes away, until this work is done.  My experience is, from my own work and facilitating hundreds of processes over the years, that there is only benefit to be gained from the willingness to face and resolve the past.

What do you recommend?

In my approach - if you HAVEN'T forgiven both your parents, any step-parents or guardians or grandparents or whoever was responsible for your early childhood, then you are probably carrying some resentment and unresolved issues that will be negatively affecting your present levels of happiness and freedom.

If you have children, you are probably resenting them on some level, even though you may still feel as though you love them.

If you are in a relationship - especially a romantic relationship with a "primary other", you probably have some built-up "plaque" of resentment stored away somewhere.  This can REALLY affect the flow of passion between partners and it is amazing how just one process can radically transform the depth of love you can feel - so love can flow freely again - almost like returning to the "honeymoon" period.

If you have work colleagues or clients, then it is likely that some of these relationships will be triggering some unconscious reactions in you.  An inexplicable "dislike" of someone can indicate there is some kind of denial about an egoic behaviour pattern in ourselves that might still be "live" (unresolved).

Isn't this a bit never-ending?  Are you saying we resent pretty much everyone?

Pretty much, if we're really honest!!  We all judge each other and need to feel "superior" and "different" (even if sometime this is by being the "worst case"!)  None of it is "real" as such, it's just the way the "ego" works (by ego in this context I mean the unconscious patterning - the personal and cultural conditioning of the past).  

There are always opportunities to forgive.  One of the greatest spiritual teachers recommended forgiving 70 x 7 which is 490 times!!  (And that was just one "brother"!)  That's why having a "process" you can learn to do whenever you need it can be hugely helpful.  The advantage with the processes I teach is that once you've learned them, you can practice them alone, and forgiveness does not necessarily mean you need to contact the person you've forgiven (especially if they are from your distant past) - in fact it need not involve them at all (other than in an imaginary way during the process itself.)

One of the spiritual practices I have personally taken on is to live a life of "constant resolution" which means that I take full responsibility for the quality of my interactions with people and if there are any misunderstandings, or I realize I have allowed some kind of resentment to build up, I process it privately and practice forgiveness and "constant resolution" (especially if there is something I need to apologise for).

Start with one and see how light and free you feel afterwards!!


To Love


Barbara




Resolve the past.  Be fully present.  Create an inspiring future...